Helping say goodbye…
They were sitting on the couch almost comatose with shock, grief and unbelief filling every morsel of their beings. A husband and wife in their mid-thirties, having done everything they could think of with their daughter to help her through her issues, had just been found.
This young lady, at fourteen, had taken her own life. A moment in time that changed life’s course for two parents, three siblings, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins… let alone a myriad of friends!
So many unanswered questions; so many ‘if onlys’ careering around the brain, shattering any sense of well-being in this devastating moment in history. The guilt, the anger, the despair, the blame overflowing in blank nothingness, too difficult to describe.
How do you get yourself up the next day, to prepare a farewell celebrating the brief years of this precious life? That’s when family, friends, professional support personnel… and your belief system become a safety net, your reason for taking one step forward.
My suggestion: Support the people through suicide just by being there. Be their arms, legs, and often their brain, whilst they begin to cope with their horrendous loss.
James Ward
July 6th, 2011 at 8:00 am
Suicide is the big heartbreaker, particulalry when the person is young… Forty, fifty, sixty years, or more maybe of the song left unsung for those who knew and loved that person. I have seen it many times in Aboriginal communities where suicide rates are almost three times the national average, and it has broken my heart…
All we can do is bless the years had, the love given and the opportunities shared for learning during the person’s short life… someday we WILL understand… this is my hope and prayer…
Libby Vilumsons
July 6th, 2011 at 8:54 am
Suicide is one of the scariest causes of death. For someone to be in the absolute darkest place to not be able to see an out is so frightening. It terrifies me, and we really need to educate the population about the finality of suicide. Especially in the younger generations. I am absolutley convinced they have no understanding of the finality. I wish I knew where to start……..
Bruce
July 7th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Libby,
Good question, and it is something I have been asking. My way at the moment is to continue doing funerals, [after the horse has bolted], and provide a moment of considered care for the grieving.
But I also want to write to continue talking about suicide as a credible and understandable option with incredibly painful results… for others!
What do you think you can do? Would love to talk about this sometime…
Bruce
July 7th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
James,
thanks for sharing your wisdom… it has come from years of giving your heart to others.
you have much to offer…! Blessings